Do you know what sucks about the beginning of a new year? You suddenly remember all the appointments you didn’t make the year before. Like, I didn’t go to the dentist last year! I was brushing my teeth this morning when I realized that. But then I thought to myself…I haven’t had a single cavity! Despite more than 30 years of chomping on candy and indulging in chocolate cake and Diet Coke, not a single cavity!
Of course, my niece humbled me a little bit. She snarled, “Martha, your teeth are so yellow! You really need to brush more!” And I swear, after that, I didn’t even want to do a full teeth smile for the rest of the day. So I thought I’d do one of those unintentionally seductive, creepy, or fake close-mouthed smiles. Like this. *Puts lips together, curves them halfway upward, eyes three-quarters of the way open* I’m not really sure how that came across to people. But it didn’t matter as long as NO ONE could see my yellow teeth.
But you know what? I’ve been told I have a nice smile. A dental student I talked to on a dating site confirmed it. He said, “I love your gigantic front central incisors.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I mean, what do you say to that? Thank you? Needless to say, he didn’t get a date after that. He had nice teeth, though! Maybe I should have let him be my dentist. Like, “Why, thank you very much. I’m not interested in dating you. But I’ll let you examine my teeth.”
In all seriousness, I would never find someone to replace my regular dentist! He’s awesome! When he doesn’t have his fingers in my mouth, he’s fun to talk to. Also, he doesn’t hurt me the way some dentists do. When I made an appointment with him to look at my loose tooth a few years ago, he assured me that it would not fall out. But this tooth had been loose for such a long time! I went to get a second opinion from another dentist. They were like, “What tooth? They’re all intact! You’re crazy!”
I went home from that dentist feeling scared they were lying to me. They were so mean! And they barely even looked at my tooth. Eventually, I told myself that my tooth was not loose. It was just anxiety.
Anyway, I still have all my teeth. They aren’t that yellow. As far as I know, I’m cavity-free. So far, this is a good start to 2022. I’m going to shut my mouth before I jinx it, though.