Today, it was in the mid-80s, sunny, and humid. My therapist was only a five-minute drive from my house. Not wanting to waste money on Uber, I decided to walk there. It was about a 40-minute walk.
When I was 10 minutes away from the office, I started to feel dizzy. Having had seizures in the heat a long time ago, I still get triggered when I feel myself losing control of my body.
Thankfully, I made it to the office without an episode. To understand and overcome my fear, I wrote this poem about seizures in the sun.
I remember the first day I forgot who I was,
didn’t know where I woke up,
and couldn’t recall the faces that hovered above.
For several minutes, I couldn’t see the sun.
When I came to, everything was hazy.
A friend who was there said she thought maybe
I had died while going for a run.
That was the first seizure that I remember; it wasn’t fun.
My camp counselor thought it was caused by dehydration.
After all, it was a hot and humid summer vacation.
So I took it easy, stayed in the shade, and drank water.
Instead of succumbing to fear, I tried to be stronger.
After two more seizures, it became clear that something was wrong.
I felt like I was drunkenly dancing to a distorted song —
a song on repeat that didn’t make sense to anyone.
It felt like my mind had been on the run.
On the day of my Epilepsy diagnosis, I learned the sun wasn’t my friend.
It was a demon that put my love of summer to an end.
It’s been over a decade since the sun went black.
But sometimes, I fear that the shadow of confusion will be back.
Now that it’s nighttime, the sun is not a threat; I can think clearly.
To overcome my fears, I cling to faith; it’s something I hold dearly.
The truth is, anything can happen to anyone at any time.
The power of the black sun doesn’t get to control my mind.
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